It's a beautiful day for a hangover
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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