Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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