i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
