I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
