i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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