Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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