You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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