how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
