I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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