I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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