If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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