for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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