how can u be prego again
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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