God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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