The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
