Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
