Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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