im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
