All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
