Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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