Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
