how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
