it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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