I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
