Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
