Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
