I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
