Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
