I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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