I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
