I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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