READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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