I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
