remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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