Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
