It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
