Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
