OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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