I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
