I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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