You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
