So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
