yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The air was thick with penises
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
