kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
