Tell her she can't have a vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
