I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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