Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize