im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
