When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
