he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
