I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
