I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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