i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He has the fingertips of a God
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
