He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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