now i know why i became what i already was.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize