He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
