I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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