mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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