I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
