I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
