all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
