It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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