arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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