You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
