doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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