haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
