Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just invented taco cereal.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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