State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize