what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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