Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
