yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
