You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
