dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
