So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
