It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
